A blog about TTC, infertility and hope

Tag Archives: TTC

Welp, I finished my Letrozole with minimal side effects (mostly hot flashes and night sweats- eww) and had my follicles checked out today. I had a bunch of little ones on both sides, but the most dominant so far was 10mm on my left side. Dr. M said I shouldn’t be too concerned about the size because its still pretty early. I go back on Tuesday (October 7th) for another ultra sound. From past months on Letrozole, I’ve ovulated around CD17-18 so I think I still have time to grow some decent sized follies 🙂 Fingers crossed!

I asked the ultra sound tech if she’s ever had anyone mention they could feel follicles growing. She said she has! People have mentioned feeling twinges or cramps and the bloat is a big give away. She told me that while follies are growing, sometimes we may have to pull out the Thanksgiving pants because the bloat is that serious! I was asking because I felt like I could feel them growing but wasn’t sure if that was a real thing or if it was just me hoping they were growing and it was all in my imagination. At any rate, they’re in there and they’re growing! (Please keep getting bigger!)

That’s all I got for right now 🙂 Congrats to all the ladies with their recent BFP’s! And baby dust to all still trying!


Dr. M called me yesterday and said that my blood work checking for chromosome issues came back normal, my HCG was negative (which I suspected), and my progesterone was low showing that I hadn’t ovulated on my own (suspected that, as well). He told me to come in today and get more blood work done to check my HCG again before he starts me on Letrizole. Once I go (in about 10 minutes) he said he will call me this afternoon with results- if my HCG is negative than I can go ahead and start Letrizole tonight. 

I haven’t gotten a period since my miscarriage in the beginning of July. So my question is, isn’t Letrizole supposed to be taken on day 3 of your cycle? Shouldn’t i get a period before starting Letrizole? Will Letrizole give me a period? I’m kind of confused. Any feed back is greatly appreciated. Thank you!! 

The other day was a bad one. The RE sent us to have blood work done to check for any chromosome abnormalities. Insurance covered my blood work but my husbands was $824.00!! I broke down and cried and said we couldn’t keep dishing out money like this. I felt defeated and was ready to give up. My poor husband always has to pick up my broken pieces. He texted me lyrics to a song called “Hope in Front of Me” by Danny Gokey. The lyrics spoke to me- and my anger, grief, tears, and heartache subsided. I know that those feelings will unfortunately return in my journey, but for now my wonderful husband saved the day, yet again! I’m posting the lyrics below and hoping it can help someone feel a little better today 🙂 Here’s to Hope!! 

DANNY GOKEY LYRICS – Hope In Front Of Me//

“Hope In Front Of Me”

I’ve been running through rain
That I thought would never end
Trying to make it on faith
In a struggle against the wind
I’ve seen the dark and the broken places
But I know in my soul
No matter how bad it gets
I’ll be alright

There’s hope in front of me
There’s a light, I still see it
There’s a hand still holding me
Even when I don’t believe it
I might be down but I’m not dead
There’s better days still up ahead
Even after all I’ve seen
There’s hope in front of me

There’s a place at the end of the storm
You finally find
Where the hurt and the tears and the pain
All fall behind

You open up your eyes and up ahead
There’s a big sun shining
Right then and there you realize
You’ll be alright

There’s hope in front of me
There’s a light, I still see it
There’s a hand still holding me
Even when I don’t believe it
I might be down but I’m not dead
There’s better days still up ahead
Even after all I’ve seen
There’s hope in front of me

There’s a hope still burning
I can feel it rising trough the night
And my world’s still turning
I can feel your love here by my side

You’re my hope
You’re the light, I still see it
Your hands are holding me
Even when I don’t believe it
I’ve got to believe
I still have hope
You are my hope

(Lyrics taken from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dannygokey/hopeinfrontofme.html)

Last night I’m watching TV and a commercial comes on for Universal Studios. I say to Hubs, “Next year lets go on a road trip to Florida!” He agrees and immediately the thought pops into my head- What if I’m pregnant next year? What if its not just me and hubs, what if we have a baby by this time next year? I’m getting excited and grinning. 

These happy thoughts are then followed by, what if I’m not pregnant? What if we don’t have our baby? What if we are still trying? What if our upcoming IUI’s don’t work? What if our only way is IVF? What if we can’t come up with the money for IVF? 

We’ve only been seeing our RE since November. But we’ve been together for almost 8 years- not preventing, not trying. Since January I’ve been pregnant twice and lost both. All of these negative “what if’s” are completely valid when it comes to dealing with infertility. I am not in control, I don’t know how things will pan out. I don’t know how long it will take. I do not know if it will ever happen.

The only thing I can do, is keep trying! I will not give up, I will not let this battle defeat me. All of the “What if’s” will stay on my mind- both negative and positive-but I will never know if I don’t try. 

So Thursday morning me and hubby went for our injectables consultation. The nurse pretty much just went over how to use the Follistim pen, she said once I do it the first time it’ll be much easier the next. I hope she’s right because I was kind of confused about the amounts to administer- good thing hubs was paying attention! I was trying really hard to pay attention, but found myself tearing up. I just kept thinking, ” I can’t believe this is how we have to make a baby!” Ugh, so emotional!

Anyway, I went on to tell the nurse how my insurance doesn’t cover any of the meds. It just so happened that that morning she had gotten in a box of donations that she could give to me! I didn’t even know that was a such thing! She said usually these meds can be thousands of dollars, including the Follistim, progesterone and trigger shot. Thank you nurse for saving us some money! So I was sent home with my little bag of goodies. I will still need more and have to pay out of pocket for them but I’m just so thankful that she was able to help us in any way 🙂

Right now I’m in my two week wait, so if I don’t get AF by the 23rd then I have to go in for a pregnancy test. If the test is negative, we will start the injectables. Me and hubby took a mini get away last night and stayed in Atlantic City, I just needed to get my mind off of everything that’s been going on lately. We had a really nice time and now its back to reality.