It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here, so I’ll start with an update.
I started Letrozole on September 26th from DC 3-7. My follow up ultra sound showed that the Letrozole wasn’t really working and I had no mature follicles. Dr. M proceeded to put me on Clomid mid-cycle, so I did that from CD 14-18. Follow up ultra sound on October 17th show 2 mature follicles in my left ovary! One at 18mm, the other at 28mm. Lots of “firsts” for me that day- First time having two mature follicles, first time having anything over a 20, and first time having the dominant follicles on the left side 🙂 It was also my first time getting a trigger shot! The nurse called me that afternoon and told me I was “in the middle of ovulating.”
So now I am 10dpo. I go this Friday for Beta/HCG draw. I want to test soooo bad, but I am going to stick it out and find out from the nurse Friday afternoon. I hate to be a Negative Nancy, but I’m feeling like this isn’t our cycle. I’m having slight symptoms but that could be from the progesterone. I’ve been feeling some twinges/cramping on both sides the past few days, and I’m pretty sleepy all day at work, I get small waves of nausea here and there but nothing too bad. And that’s pretty much it as far as symptoms or side effects go. My last two pregnancies I had all of the tell tale symptoms- sore boobs, weird dreams, extreme fatigue, peeing 2-3 times a night, super emotional and crying…I guess that’s why I feel discouraged this time because I don’t have any of those symptoms.
Only time will tell, 4 more sleeps til I find out for sure! Please keep your fingers crossed for me! I’m really hoping this is it!
Welp, I finished my Letrozole with minimal side effects (mostly hot flashes and night sweats- eww) and had my follicles checked out today. I had a bunch of little ones on both sides, but the most dominant so far was 10mm on my left side. Dr. M said I shouldn’t be too concerned about the size because its still pretty early. I go back on Tuesday (October 7th) for another ultra sound. From past months on Letrozole, I’ve ovulated around CD17-18 so I think I still have time to grow some decent sized follies 🙂 Fingers crossed!
I asked the ultra sound tech if she’s ever had anyone mention they could feel follicles growing. She said she has! People have mentioned feeling twinges or cramps and the bloat is a big give away. She told me that while follies are growing, sometimes we may have to pull out the Thanksgiving pants because the bloat is that serious! I was asking because I felt like I could feel them growing but wasn’t sure if that was a real thing or if it was just me hoping they were growing and it was all in my imagination. At any rate, they’re in there and they’re growing! (Please keep getting bigger!)
That’s all I got for right now 🙂 Congrats to all the ladies with their recent BFP’s! And baby dust to all still trying!
I went for blood work today just to confirm my beta was negative- I knew it would be since I got my period yesterday- but Dr. M just wanted to be 100% positive before I start Letozole tomorrow.
I didn’t POAS once during my 2WW. I usually try not to. But this time I just had a hunch that I wasn’t pregnant. I had no symptoms whatsoever and then CD 1 confirmed it for me yesterday. The nurse just called and told me that my beta was negative so I’m good to start Letrozole tomorrow. I texted my hubby and let him know. He asked if I was ok, and surprisingly, I am. Of course I wish I was pregnant, but I’m not too sad that I’m not this cycle. I’m just ready to move forward. I think because I already suspected I wasn’t pregnant, I kinda prepared myself for AF and the negative beta so it didn’t make it so tough this time- if that makes sense.
I thought we would be doing injectables this month, but I guess not? My only instructions are to take the Letrozole twice a day from CD3-CD7. And then I go next Friday, October 3rd for labs and ultrasound. I can’t really remember, but I thought at my old RE that I got monitored more often while on Letrozole? (Another reason I started this blog- to help keep track of things, I have a horrible memory!) Anyway, I plan on taking both at night, like I did last time. Did any of you ladies do that? Or did you take one in the morning and one at night? I wonder if it makes a difference.
Before I end this post, I just wanted to add that I haven’t had a period since my miscarriage in june/early July and boy has it come with a vengeance!! My moodiness is so bad that I kinda wanna punch my own face!
Just got a call from the nurse ( I was getting my HCG re-checked to be sure I could start letrizole tonight). My HCG was negative, However, she said I recently ovulated…ON MY OWN!! 🙂 My instructions are to disregard the Letrizole and if i don’t get my period in two weeks than call to schedule HCG blood work.Â
So I guess I am in my 2WW now. She didn’t say when I ovulated, just that it was recently. So I’m gonna cover all my bases and have some fun with hubby after work 🙂Â
I’m so happy that my body did what it’s supposed to do, and on its own, but i’m slightly annoyed and nervous. I wish that I was being monitored and knew how big of a follicle I had or how many or which side they were on. But now that I am in the dreaded 2WW I will be checking for every symptom and consulting with Dr. Google 
Wouldn’t it be crazy if this were the cycle that gives us our baby?! Nothing thus far has been normal with this TTC journey, so ya never know!Â
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Dr. M called me yesterday and said that my blood work checking for chromosome issues came back normal, my HCG was negative (which I suspected), and my progesterone was low showing that I hadn’t ovulated on my own (suspected that, as well). He told me to come in today and get more blood work done to check my HCG again before he starts me on Letrizole. Once I go (in about 10 minutes) he said he will call me this afternoon with results- if my HCG is negative than I can go ahead and start Letrizole tonight.Â
I haven’t gotten a period since my miscarriage in the beginning of July. So my question is, isn’t Letrizole supposed to be taken on day 3 of your cycle? Shouldn’t i get a period before starting Letrizole? Will Letrizole give me a period? I’m kind of confused. Any feed back is greatly appreciated. Thank you!!Â
The other day was a bad one. The RE sent us to have blood work done to check for any chromosome abnormalities. Insurance covered my blood work but my husbands was $824.00!! I broke down and cried and said we couldn’t keep dishing out money like this. I felt defeated and was ready to give up. My poor husband always has to pick up my broken pieces. He texted me lyrics to a song called “Hope in Front of Me” by Danny Gokey. The lyrics spoke to me- and my anger, grief, tears, and heartache subsided. I know that those feelings will unfortunately return in my journey, but for now my wonderful husband saved the day, yet again! I’m posting the lyrics below and hoping it can help someone feel a little better today 🙂 Here’s to Hope!!Â
DANNY GOKEY LYRICS – Hope In Front Of Me//
That I thought would never end
Trying to make it on faith
In a struggle against the wind
I’ve seen the dark and the broken places
But I know in my soul
No matter how bad it gets
I’ll be alright
There’s hope in front of me
There’s a light, I still see it
There’s a hand still holding me
Even when I don’t believe it
I might be down but I’m not dead
There’s better days still up ahead
Even after all I’ve seen
There’s hope in front of me
There’s a place at the end of the storm
You finally find
Where the hurt and the tears and the pain
All fall behind
You open up your eyes and up ahead
There’s a big sun shining
Right then and there you realize
You’ll be alright
There’s hope in front of me
There’s a light, I still see it
There’s a hand still holding me
Even when I don’t believe it
I might be down but I’m not dead
There’s better days still up ahead
Even after all I’ve seen
There’s hope in front of me
There’s a hope still burning
I can feel it rising trough the night
And my world’s still turning
I can feel your love here by my side
You’re my hope
You’re the light, I still see it
Your hands are holding me
Even when I don’t believe it
I’ve got to believe
I still have hope
You are my hope
I’m back! There hasn’t been much to update lately.Â
My beta finally was down to zero on July 16th and I was instructed to call when AF showed up. As of today, there is still no sign of it. So I called the office yesterday to let them know I was still waiting and asked if we could just move forward or if I still had to wait. The nurse told me they want to do labs to make sure I am not pregnant (I really don’t think I am) and they are also going to test for chromosome abnormalities due to my two miscarriages in 6 months. I’m so nervous about these results, but remaining positive that everything will be A-OK! Â Once they get the results back from the lab, we will have a short consultation with Dr. M. and then hopefully proceed with our first IUI.Â
Tomorrow me and my love are leaving for Ocean City, MD until Sunday. Last bit of summer fun and then its back to baby business! I’m more than ready to start trying again!Â
Last night I’m watching TV and a commercial comes on for Universal Studios. I say to Hubs, “Next year lets go on a road trip to Florida!” He agrees and immediately the thought pops into my head- What if I’m pregnant next year? What if its not just me and hubs, what if we have a baby by this time next year? I’m getting excited and grinning.Â
These happy thoughts are then followed by, what if I’m not pregnant? What if we don’t have our baby? What if we are still trying? What if our upcoming IUI’s don’t work? What if our only way is IVF? What if we can’t come up with the money for IVF?Â
We’ve only been seeing our RE since November. But we’ve been together for almost 8 years- not preventing, not trying. Since January I’ve been pregnant twice and lost both. All of these negative “what if’s” are completely valid when it comes to dealing with infertility. I am not in control, I don’t know how things will pan out. I don’t know how long it will take. I do not know if it will ever happen.
The only thing I can do, is keep trying! I will not give up, I will not let this battle defeat me. All of the “What if’s” will stay on my mind- both negative and positive-but I will never know if I don’t try.Â
That I’d be so happy to say I’m NOT pregnant??
I had blood work done yesterday and my beta is finally down to zero. The nurse told me to call when I get my period, probably sometime in August, and they will give me instructions from there. Now all I can do is play the waiting game, I’m so bad at that game. I’m wayyyyy too impatient! But I guess I will try to enjoy the rest of my summer, hopefully this is the last one that we spend alone- Maybe next summer baby will make three?? 🙂
On another topic;
The girl at my job, that I wrote about here, I  found out today that she is pregnant with twins! I’m not gonna go on and on about how crappy and sad this makes me feel (pretty sure I did that in my last post).  But sheesh, what a double slap in the face!
Everything annoys me, everything upsets me, everything makes me wanna crawl into bed and stay there. I hate days like this. I don’t wanna be “that girl”.
This girl at my job just started working there about two months ago. When she first started I was pretty open with her about our fertility struggles, since she would be the one covering for me when I have my million doctor appointments. She’s a little younger (24) and has 2 step kids with her fiancee’- which she complained about everyday- and told me she doesn’t was kids of her own because trying to find activities for her step kids on the weekend was already too much. (sigh) About a month ago, she tells me she’s gonna be late for work because she has a doctor appointment. I asked if everything was okay and she tells me she’s pregnant! I couldn’t even say congratulations, the first thing I say is, “I thought you didn’t want kids?” (rude, I know) She replies, “I don’t!” Ugghhhhh
For the rest of the day we didn’t really talk. I was super upset. Not with her, but with the situation. I didn’t really think anyone at my job would pop up pregnant. There are only 9 people who work in our office and 6 of them are men. The other lady is in her late 50’s and her kids are grown. For the past five years that I’ve worked there, I was the only one in the office who would get pregnant- until this new girl showed up. Near the end of the day, she comes up to me and says, “listen, I know you’re trying to get pregnant and I was nervous about telling you because I didn’t wanna upset you.” I thought, this is really nice of her- she doesn’t owe this to me, we’ve only known each other for about a month! Then she proceeds to tell me that she can’t believe this happened, she didn’t want kids and makes a “joke” that i could have the one growing her belly!!!! Really?!?!?!Â
All I could do was turn around and stare at my computer…Not funny, girl.Â
She sits about 10 feet away from me, so I see all the runs to the bathroom, all the snacks on her desk, and hardest of all, her bump getting bigger 😦 Last week when I found out that I was miscarrying, I didn’t know how I was gonna make it- knowing I was losing my baby and hers was just growing and in some short months she is gonna be a mommy and who knows what will be going on with me and my uterus.Â
I also went for more bloodwork on Wednesday, my beta is still at 18 so i have to go back next Wednesday and hopefully it will be down to zero. I just want to start trying again!! It’s killin me!Â
The only thing making this day/week a little better is my amazing husband, who does anything in his power to put a smile on my face, and the back to back episodes of Saved By The Bell on netflix! LOL
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Baby Bump Wishes 